| Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day unless you wanna lure in crap eating dogs. |
| Only two people have given their life for you, Jesus and the American Soldier. Thank one and pray to the other. |
| If you’re gonna swim in the deep waters of life, make sure you’re not skinny dipping with piranhas or you might wind up with the short end of the stick. |
| You’d rather slide down a mountain of razor blades naked into a pool of rubbing alcohol that mess with my Amy. |
| Lying through your teeth doesn’t count as flossing. |