Expecting life to reward you because you try hard is like expecting a bull not to charge at you cause you don’t eat steaks.
| Well call me butter because I’m on a roll because I used to be schizophrenic, but now we’re okay and just hanging in there like a hair in a biscuit. |
| That moment when you realize the guy in line behind you’s momma should have dropped him on his head at birth and sold the milk. |
| That awkward moment when you realize when your wife said she was hungry you were not supposed to say “me too, what are you cooking for dinner?” |
| After two hours of arguing with Amy, I have decided there are two theories to arguing with women and neither one of them works. |