| You can’t drown by falling into a lake only staying there. Remember the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. |
| In life, the hardness of the butter is always proportional to the softness of the bread. |
| You want to see someone laugh? Tell God or your wife you’re in control. Both will let you know real quick you’re living in a fantasy world. |
| Just because it purrs like a kitten, doesn’t mean it can’t bite like a dog. A bee will always fly faster than the tractor you are driving. |
| Why grab the bull and get the horns when you can shoot the bull and get the steaks. Leaves you as confused as Mike Tyson at a spelling bee, doesn’t it? |