| I’ll smack you so hard your tongue will wrap around your eye tooth and you won’t be able to see what you’re gonna say next. |
| Ever meet someone who proved as soon as they opened their mouth everything they learned came from watching Gilligan’s Island. |
| You’d rather be super-glued to the underbelly of a moose in rutting season than to call Amy out, because it’s easier to get on that train than to get off. |
God made dirt and dirt doesn’t hurt. We all get dirty in life but the dirt washes off
| When you’re having trouble looking in the mirror in the mornings, It’s usually because your life is broken, not the glass. Only you can change the reflection. |