| You know what makes me so mad that I wanna catch a Nolan Ryan fastball with my teeth, people who talk to their kids like their dogs. It makes them the animal. |
Everything my brother learned in life I decided he learned from Gilligan’s Island
| After two hours of arguing with Amy, I have decided there are two theories to arguing with women and neither one of them works. |
Amy’s hotter than 40 acres of burning stumps. The hinges of hell on Halloween. Nine miles of Alabama asphalt
| When someone you love hurts you, and you can’t understand why, remember: in pain comes life’s lessons, just speak softly because you can’t undo a said word. |