| Today don’t just settle for someone for therein lies the problem. Even in your loneliness find the right someone that makes a difference. |
| That moment when you realize the guy in line behind you’s momma should have dropped him on his head at birth and sold the milk. |
| Well call me butter because I’m on a roll because I used to be schizophrenic, but now we’re okay and just hanging in there like a hair in a biscuit. |
| When life gives you lemons, cut em in half and squirt them in your buddies eyes and watch as they roll around like a harpooned hippo in a banana tree. |
| I would rather slide down a mountain of razor blades naked into a pool full of rubbing alcohol than argue with a redheaded woman. |