| Don’t pick your finger with knowledge then try to swim with the street sharks, rather drown yourself in it and ride the glass bottom boat for the view. |
| Just remarried my best friend grinning like a possum in a persimmons tree and realized that I married up so far I need an elevator pass. |
| You’d rather be super-glued to the underbelly of a moose in rutting season than to call Amy out, because it’s easier to get on that train than to get off. |
| Stop looking at God and crying “God, look how big my problem is”, rather look at your problem, then laugh and say “Problem, look how big my God is”. |
If I found Lars Dixon floating in my pool I’d go punish my dog.