| I’d rather have hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits and ride a three humped camel across a rock quarry than go home with a mad redhead. |
| Never try to run a 40 yard dash in a 30 yard barn. To catch a dream you can’t chase it, rather you intercept it on the highway of hard work. |
| To the Ones who watch movies alone on Friday night—the ones that eat a meal by themselves– the ones that are avoided on a bus–the ones who sleep alone to wake to emptiness–to the ones who shop with no one to buy for–the ones who truly understand left field–the ones who don’t follow the crowd–today I am thinking of you. |
| Just thinking, if we have a modern list of the ten commandments, “thou shalt not wear your pants past your butt” in public should be included. |
| When you can’t see the bright side of life, try polishing the dull side. Your brightest epiphany will come in your darkest hour. |