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| I was in line today behind a guy that was living proof evolution can go in reverse. If you’re gonna be stupid you’d better be tough. He wasn’t. |
| If you’re gonna swim in the deep waters of life, make sure you’re not skinny dipping with piranhas or you might wind up with the short end of the stick. |
If I found Lars Dixon floating in my pool I’d go punish my dog.
| On the way to a wake, thinking that love isn’t love until you give it away, but if you wait too long it’s like being a blind man at a silent movie. |
How can the professor on Gillian’s Island make a radio out of a coconut but he can’t patch the hole in a boat?