30th ANNUAL LIZARD LICK FESTIVAL
Stop telling me about the hundred reasons you have to cry and worry, rather let me hear about the thousand reasons you have to laugh and smile
Ladies lets just say I’d rather have hemmroids the size of grapefruits than to see yall trying to look like a the Aflac duck no more duck faces.
| I’d rather you hate me for who I am than to love me for who I am not. I don’t want to be slicker than a greased pig turned politician, I want to be honest. |
| There’s a world of difference in dancing with the devil and sleeping with him, because telling a man to go to hell and making him are two different ventures. |
If I was your dad I would have spent the first year of your life trying to hunt down and kill the stork.