30th ANNUAL LIZARD LICK FESTIVAL
| I tried yoga for the first time today. Besides feeling hog tied and pigeon toed, I have decided that stress in comparison is a lot less boring. |
| I’ve discovered that Amy Shirley is so bad that she can do a front kick on your telephone and give everyone in your address book a black eye. |
| I was in line today behind a guy that was living proof evolution can go in reverse. If you’re gonna be stupid you’d better be tough. He wasn’t. |
| We traded cigarette billboards on interstates for topless bar ads. Guess those folks figure there’s no difference in dancing with the devil and sleeping with him. |
| If you can lead a horse to water but can’t make him drink, he probably ain’t thirsty. So don’t force yourself on others rather be the trough and wait. |