I just met the group One Direction and ironically they were headed the wrong way
| God grant me serenity, patience & Rachel Ray as my wife’s new best friend cause if you can smell what’s cooking at the house, Amy burned dinner again. |
| The 2nd thing I learned today: No matter how big and tough you are, when a little girl asks you to play with dolls, grabbing a GI Joe doesn’t count, so you give in. |
| We’re so far ahead of the curve that when Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he discovered two missed calls from Lizard Lick Towing. |
| You want to see someone laugh? Tell God or your wife you’re in control. Both will let you know real quick you’re living in a fantasy world. |