| When you can’t see the bright side of life, try polishing the dull side. Your brightest epiphany will come in your darkest hour. |
| When you think life is too rough, imagine riding a bull in the buff with a sandpaper saddle then you will rethink what rough really is. |
| The maximum effective range of an excuse is 0.0 inches. Remember the only difference in a rut and a grave is the depth, so don’t dig your own. |
| I was in line today behind a guy that was living proof evolution can go in reverse. If you’re gonna be stupid you’d better be tough. He wasn’t. |
| You know what makes me so mad I could catch a Nolan Ryan fastball with my teeth, Mopeds in the left lane of a interstate. |