| There’s a difference in watching a kid grow and raising a kid. If you don’t know the difference, you shouldn’t have kids. |
| Whoever said money can’t buy happiness was dead broke. It can’t buy salvation but can make misery a popular island in a sea of insanity. |
| That moment when you realize the guy in line behind you’s momma should have dropped him on his head at birth and sold the milk. |
Common sense is like a hot shower, the people who need it the most use it the least.
| I tried yoga for the first time today. Besides feeling hog tied and pigeon toed, I have decided that stress in comparison is a lot less boring. |