| Have you ever smiled and looked at someone as they said goodnight knowing in your heart they were really saying goodbye. |
| Xanax, the miracle drug that was made solely for the purpose of riding shotgun when your fifteen year old daughter is driving. |
| There are two people in a marriage. One’s always right; the other’s always the husband. |
| That awkward moment when you realize when your wife said she was hungry you were not supposed to say “me too, what are you cooking for dinner?” |
| The maximum effective range of an excuse is 0.0 inches. Remember the only difference in a rut and a grave is the depth, so don’t dig your own. |