I can squeeze a quarter so tight i can make George Washington say uncle.
Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future
| I’ll smack you so hard your tongue will wrap around your eye tooth and you won’t be able to see what you’re gonna say next. |
Marriage is grand but divorce is a few hundred grand.
| That awkward moment when you realize when your wife said she was hungry you were not supposed to say “me too, what are you cooking for dinner?” |