| I’d rather you hate me for who I am than to love me for who I am not. I don’t want to be slicker than a greased pig turned politician, I want to be honest. |
| Just remarried my best friend grinning like a possum in a persimmons tree and realized that I married up so far I need an elevator pass. |
| That moment when you realize the guy in line behind you’s momma should have dropped him on his head at birth and sold the milk. |
| Bobby Brantley is so bad that he once threw a grenade and it killed 54 rebels. Then 10 seconds later the grenade exploded. |
| Only thing to fear is fear itself was not said by a man married to a redhead who would put a rattlesnake in your pocket and then ask for a light. |