| If you want a friend, be a friend. You want a soul mate, be honest and faithful. You want someone to fight for you, stand in front of them and take their blows. |
| You can drink to drown your problems but one day you shall realize that problems have learned how to swim. |
| You should try picking people up not putting them down, or the only place you’ll find sympathy is between “symbol” and “syphilis” in the dictionary. |
| Be careful never to corner anything meaner than you. |
| After two hours of arguing with Amy, I have decided there are two theories to arguing with women and neither one of them works. |